One friend is dying and another gave her life to Jesus over a lunch at noon on a random Thursday.

My heart burst as I walked with a college athlete as she surrendered her life to Jesus in a crowded bagel shop in Albany, NY.   Tears of thankfulness snuck up on me as I crawled home on highways paved with snow and ice.

 ( I was not so thankful for that) . 

My insane excitement came to a screeching halt when I got the news that someone I know is losing their cancer battle.   I was slammed in the gut as my emotions peeled off in the other direction. 

I sit on my couch with grief and joy and tad bit of anger all felt under a blanket of comfort.. 

 I am thankful I am not God.  I used to play that game asking myself, “If I were God…insert major problem solved.”   The tapestry of life is too complex to make such a such a stunted projection of problem solving.

I can’t control any of it. I cry a little easier this week. I guess I am ok with that.  I guess that can be BRAVE too right? 

And so, it seems it’s true. 

Romans 12:15 – Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn. 

And sometimes, that happens all at the same time. 

Joy can still be held in a broken heart

A smile can tangle with tears

Hope can be felt in the dark

Mending and breaking can dance

Grief and joy can sit together 

God still sits on His throne. Me, on my couch. As it should be. 

Sincerely,

Amber J